13th April, ,2007 - Hamburg and the North of Germany
Arriving in Hamburg at 14.00 hours on Friday 13th April I do catch a taxi to get me swiftly and without delay to Alexander Zinn Strasse. Klaus Martin and Beate are still in Berlin and the keys to the manor are left for me at the neighbours.
I settle comfortably in the basement flat of the house, inspect the fridge and decide on a little shopping spree down Waitzstrasse. There are certain things in terms of breakfast fair which I tend to indulge in when in Germany. Amongst other things these are fine liverwurst, some Metwurst, Fleischsalad and some Rollmops. Can’t pass up some really cheap offers of Italian wine. An hour later and a few shops visited, I return to my home from home with plenty of goodies for the next few days.
It’s also the time for some washing of t-shirts and underwear. Given the splendid summer weather which greets me in Hamburg, the drying outside is quick and easy.
To my amazement I find a little turtle in the green house. I am later informed that Klaus and Beate were looking for the little bugger since January when it escaped a little box which they had prepared for it and its sister turtle. It was supposed to have its hibernation nap there, but instead it had escaped and explored the garden shed. I gave it some salad leaves which were eagerly munched away and upon their return Beate and Klaus re-united the lonely turtle with its companion and the Christmas gift for the grandkids was complete again.
As mentioned before, the weather was rather pleasant, dry and warm which allowed me to keep wearing my “Australian Uniform” consisting of shorts, t-shirt and sandals. To be honest, that never changed during the entire trip!
Now it was off to Mum – this time our own Mum who lives in a pretty, little room in Rissen a, what we call in Sydney, leafy suburb, in the Reemtsma retirement home.
Oh those "oldies"
During this trip and in particular in Germany, I had plenty of opportunity to speak with friends about their elderly parents or –as is now often the fact – their elderly mothers. And in most cases, these stories had a common theme with the oldies often not being able – for various reasons – to accept the reality of being by themselves, showing a certain degree of stubbornness, lack of acceptance of help and advise from their children and at times even being hostile or resentful.
A lot of these things have to do with advancing age and to some degree loss of, what I would call, social diplomacy. Children and their help are often taken for granted and are demanded, at times, beyond reasonable limits. This also leads to the fact, at times, that our oldies see, perceive or observe the social interactions, the family dynamics around them more in colours they would like them to be rather than in those in which they realistically present themselves.
For those of us, who are more or less on a daily basis involved in looking after their elderly parents this sometimes brings a considerable degree of stress and frustration. I guess it is left to the younger people in this 'game' to realise and accept that this is a natural development, sometimes accentuated by deteriorating mental and intellectual capacities and does not always reflect the person one has known for so many years and with whom one has had a more or less good relationship for decades.
Getting older and more dependant on outside help after living a life of independence and self-reliance is often difficult if not impossible for some of those oldies to gracefully accept. And one would have to say that the more independent and self-reliant they once were, the more does it hurt if physical and/or mental deterioration all of a sudden makes an end to this 'free' and independent life. Often combined
With the more or less recent loss of a partner for half a lifetime, these changing circumstances are difficult if not impossible to accept and rationalise.
A few years ago, at one of her late eighties birthdays, my siblings and I gave our mother a birthday gift. Unconditional "Narrenfreiheit" (freedom of the jester), allowing her to say or do anything in future without it ever been taken wrongly or negatively. "nichts wird mehr krumm genommen"
And we are very lucky with our mother. You would rarely see a 91 year old who lives such a content life, hardly ever complaints about anything, always tells you that she is happy not to have any illness.
There are some positively predisposing factors at work with our mother. Widowed for 50 years, used to living on her own, physically never very active (no joy out of garden work for her!), good eyesight which allows her to read, blessed with the capacity to sleep long and peacefully (shortens the day) and a general ability to say to herself: "this will be good" and firmly believing in it.
A sometimes unsentimental realism in life, a good grasp of the practical side of things and wisdom make her and our lives today so much easier and the relationship almost completely stress free.
And I am the first to admit that my position – being some 16.000 km away on a different continent and visiting twice or three times a year – is probably also very fortunate and inducive to extremely low stress levels and frictions. But I, like my siblings, have had quite some experience in living with 'oldies' from a fairly early age.
As soon as I get to Hamburg on my regular visits twice or three times a year, I make a point of re-establishing a certain routine in my daily visits. This entails to show up at the home at about 11.30 for a little chat, driving through the forest surrounding Rissen to get to the river Elbe, sit down for lunch in one of the restaurants along the river (Mum loves water views!), bringing her back to the home for a well deserved sleep in the afternoon. This is how we spend a few hours together every day of my visit and it completely serves the purpose and is for Mum some kind of 'holiday' as the day progresses somewhat differently from the usual daily routine.
14th April, 2007 - The deep North
On the Saturday early in the afternoon I take to the road and drive the 150 km north to Faulueck to visit my good old friend Reinold and his family.
Oh those German Autobahns. I guess it's one of the few remaining places in the world where you can legally drive – on most stretches anyway – as fast as your car allows. And I admit to enjoying the occasional 160 or 170 km/hour.
Unlike in previous years, though, I seem to observe far less other traffic companions who would still whoosh along on the left lane, exceeding my considerable speed by another 30 to 40 km/hour. Usually those black or silver Mercedes or BMWs. I think the colour green has something to do with it.
The Germans, being environmentaly aware as they are, have voluntarily sacrificed some Autobahn speed and in the process save themselves some money as well. Because at 160 km/hour you can watch the petrol gauge going down towards Zero at frightening speed! And that in a country where many years ago – during the first "oil shock" in the seventies – the defiant motto of the day was "freie Fahrt fuer freie Buerger" when the government of the day introduced car free days on weekends and serious speed limits on the Autobahns against a lot of protest and resistance from the car driving community.
Those of you who know the far north of Germany would appreciate my pleasure of visiting this particular part of Germany regularly. The landscape is of great beauty and has a certain kind of serenity to it which makes it very special to me, almost on par with the Chiemgau in Spring. However, equally appealing is obviously the visit at Reinold's home and his family. Reinold and I go back some 50+ years and ours is an enduring friendship which has stood the test of time. Something we both value immensely.
One of the significant features of such a long friendship is the fact that there never seems to be any 'break' or 'interruption' of the relationship completely irrespective of the amount of communication which goes on between personal encounters. I think we could continue a meaningful conversation mid sentence even if it were interrupted for 12 months or so.
Reinold and his family are boaties. That means they have an old timber sailing boat which is, no doubt and rightly so, a priced and cherished possession. To be honest I know the boat far better from it's underside, being in the dry dock, rather than on the water. That is because my visits in Germany tend to be in early Spring or late Autumn when the boat is docked at the wharf. And as a far less committed boatie with a plastic contraption at the front of my place, I have great admiration for the time, labour and love which goes into this beauty.
Every now and then I am also allowed to do a bit for my weekend lodging and drive on the sit-on lawn mower. Great fun with a very practical and helpful component to it as well. And if there is any enduring tradition in my visits at the old school house in Faulueck it would have to be our evening and late night discussions into the wee hours of the morning accompanied by liberally decanted good dry white wine and a few pipes.
On Sunday Hamburg backons again and I start my trip back to the big smoke at around 11.00 after a decent breakfast and a leisurely stroll around Arnis to see some of the preparations for the new sailing season. And whilst the locals promise an easy ride with little traffic, once I hit the most northern parts of Hamburg, the Autobahn is chockers – probably up to the Elbtunnel – which is my destination. So I leave the Autobahn and make my way around the suburban streets back to Othmarschen. Hence the last 40 km take more time than the first 120.
16th April, 2007 - Mum's birthday
On Monday the 16th April Mum turns 91 and a little party is on the cards. Just close family and some old friends makes for a round of 16 people. As mentioned before, the weather is very benign which means that we can prepare for sitting in the garden, with a large and plentiful cold buffet being prepared by sister Beate inside for self service.
Late afternoon Mum is picked up from Rissen and the festivities begin at about 18.00 hours. 4 Generations of Wolff/Holzrichter in animated discussions and happily celebrating our mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and friend. For me obviously also a great opportunity to catch up with 'relos' and old friends who are part of the party. Having and being able to maintain this type of connection with so many people dear to my heart has made it possible for me to make that decision some 22 years ago to stay in Australia and thus being able to enjoy my new home without loosing touch with my 'old' home. And I am always very grateful for the fact that it has worked out like that.
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